Sex & Love

Những mùi hương vĩnh cửu

1. Nghĩ về S, thứ đầu tiên tôi nhớ ở anh, là mùi.

Khứu giác là thứ giác quan duy nhất kết nối giữa tôi và S trong lần gặp đầu tiên. Khi mọi thứ xúc giác, thị giác, thính giác, vị giác bị che kín, chỉ riêng mùi hương là có thể làm bá chủ không trung, len lỏi trong từng ngóc ngách, tưởng như đã tan đi mà đôi khi vẫn còn lẩn quẩn. S không dùng nước hoa, nhưng người anh lúc nào cũng tỏa ra một thứ mùi hương đặc trưng, mạnh mẽ đến kinh ngạc. Không phải kiểu mùi floral hoa hòe sặc sỡ của nước xả vải, càng không phải kiểu mùi mồ hôi đàn ông hăng hắc như mấy cuốn tiểu thuyết ba xu thường tả, mùi của S là sự lai tạp giữa dòng thảo dược aromatic và sự tươi mới biển khơi của dòng Aquatic. Thật thú vị khi thấy một người, không dùng nước hoa vẫn có thể tỏa hương.

Có thể tôi nói quá, vì tôi thực sự thích S. Nhưng cũng có thể đó là thứ đặc quyền cơ bản mà tạo hóa ban ra cho một số người: tỏa hương. Tôi hiếm khi thấy khi nào thấy áo S đồ mồ hôi, càng ít khi thấy bàn tay anh nóng, lúc nào cũng mát mát như một ly sữa chua tỏa hương, áp vào mặt rất dễ chịu. Nên mỗi lần đi cạnh S, tôi hiếm khi dùng nước hoa. Tôi sợ kiểu cách tỏa hương hóa học của mình sẽ phá vỡ cái liên kết khứu giác giữa tôi và S, như sợ lạc mất một sợi dây, đứt rồi biết có nối được lại? Nói vậy, nhưng thỉnh thoảng tôi vẫn dùng. Kenzo Power là một lựa chọn tốt với middle notes đầy sự đột phá. Sự phối hợp giữa tiêu đen, bergamot, phong lữ và mùi của S khiến tôi có cảm giác như đang bước trên một cánh đồng thảo dược, vừa thơm lành vừa hạnh phúc, cúi xuống là chân trần, ngửa đầu là trời xanh.

2. Ba ngày sau khi mua chai nước hoa Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme đầu tiên, J kể với tôi: “Chai này thơm lắm, ngày nào trước khi đi ngủ anh cũng xịt một ít, để dành ngửi”. Tôi phì cười, thấy J thật trẻ con. Anh dùng nước hoa nhiều hơn tôi, anh tung tẩy với nó chứ không thận trọng, kiểu cách như tôi. Với J, nước hoa là một thể loại phục sức vừa phù phiếm vừa đơn giản, vừa sang trọng vừa tầm thường, vừa chỉ để dùng ở những dịp đặc biệt, vừa gắn bó hàng ngày như một chiếc túi, một đôi giày.
Không phải nghiễm nhiên mà giữa tôi và J có rất nhiều kỷ niệm về nước hoa, vì lúc nào anh cũng nhắc đến một loại mùi này mùi nọ.

Rồi những khoảnh khắc mà tôi thường nhớ về J cũng tồn tại những chai nước hoa trong đó. Như cái hôm đi dự một event gấp rút, J kéo tôi vào WC, nhét vào tay chai Escada Magnetism for Men màu tím rịm, bảo xịt đi cho thơm. Tối hôm đó, cả hai chúng tôi sực nức mùi Tuyết Tùng, middle notes cua chai nước hoa này trầm một cách đáng sợ, đã cedar lại còn sandalwood. Cho đến khi về nhà, lúc chia tay nhau ở một ngã tư vắng người lúc đường đã khuya, tôi nghe con phố ấy loang thoáng mùi hổ phách, lớp hương cuối của Escada Magnetism for Men.

Nhưng nhớ nhất là cái hôm lần đầu tiên chúng tôi làm tình, trong một đêm mưa. Cái mùi ngai ngái của cỏ cây ướt ngoài sân không lấn át đi được lớp hương cuối của Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme trên áo anh còn vướng lại. Lúc vùi người vào đó, tôi nghe rất rõ mùi cây từ tô đang nhắc nhở mình rằng đây là J, người mà tôi đã, đang và sẽ vô vọng biết rằng không bao giờ chúng tôi có thể là của nhau, dù có làm tình đến hàng trăm lần đi chăng nữa. Đó là một đêm mà tôi đã thất bại trong việc cố giữ vững cái bức tường ngăn cách tình cảm giữa mình và J, rằng ranh giới nào rồi cũng sụp đổ.

Bẵng cho đến rất lâu sau, mỗi khi nhìn thấy J tôi đều nhớ đến mùi Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme, hoặc nhìn thấy Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme, là tôi lại cứ thấy lạo xạo trong bụng, tưởng như mình sắp gặp lại J, chửi nhau một trận rồi làm tình một đêm, rồi lại nín lặng không trao đổi gì nhau suốt mấy tháng trời.

3. Hôm nọ dọn dẹp nhà cửa, mới phát hiện bị mất chai Acqua di Gio. Bạn tin không, tôi không thích chai này cho lắm. Kiểu lọ cổ điển màu nhợt nhạt và lớp middle notes bị kết hợp giữa 13 loại mùi khiến tôi đôi lúc thấy khó chịu. Công bằng mà nói thì Acqua di Giò là một chai nước hoa rất hữu ích, thuần citrus và mang đậm tính thảo dược, rất ấm áp, rất cân bằng. Nhưng Acqua di Giò thỉnh thoảng còn khiến tôi không vui, vì nó nhắc tôi nhớ đến H. H lúc nào cung dùng mùi này, ở bất kỳ đâu: công sợ, nhà hàng, quán bar, vũ trường… Những ngày thường ngồi ở bên hông nhà hát thành phố, ngắm đám cây palm tree xào xạc lá, tôi vẫn thường hay trả lời H “Acqua di Giò” mỗi khi anh hỏi tôi uống gì. H phì cười rồi gọi cho tôi một cà phê đá, anh uống Gin Tonic. Thứ nước trắng và đáng nghét, cũng giống chai Giò vậy.

Hôm chia tay, tôi thấy chai Giò của H đã hết. Định mua tặng anh mà chưa kịp, mọi thứ đổ vỡ, thế giới xoay chiều. Bẳng đi hơn 3 năm gặp lại H trên phố, chưa kịp chào tôi H đã giật mình suýet té. Hỏi tại sao, anh bảo: “Lâu rồi mới dùng Acqua di Giò, nay mới dùng lại một phát, gặp em luôn”. Đúng là duyên tương ngộ, cũng vui, nhưng cũng chẳng để làm gì. Mà hôm đó, lúc chia tay tôi quên hỏi H, rằng anh không dùng Giò nữa, là vì anh có thói quen đổi người yêu thì đổi luôn nước hoa, hay vì chai cũ đã cạn và anh đã chán, muốn đổi chai mới. Rồi lại quên luôn hỏi xem nếu không dùng Giò, thì H dùng gì.

Chỉ nhớ mỗi chuyện là hôm đó tôi dùng Attitude Extreme của Armani, một đám hương cay xè đậm mùi phương Đông.

4. Viết loanh quanh về mùi rồi nhớ linh tinh, nhân dịp mới mua được chai Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme thế chỗ cho chai Acqua di Giò bị mất. Mà nói cái này ra thì có vẻ hơi sến, nhưng vẫn phải nói, rằng tôi thích mùi của S nhất, hơn tất cả những chai nước hoa mà tôi từng biết trên đời, gộp lại.

(2014)

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