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Ngày thứ 5 bị bệnh. Ngoài trời đã hết bão, nhưng mình thì bắt đầu ho như chó sủa và cổ họng thì bắt đầu đau rát. Công ty được nghỉ hẳn một ngày do sợ đường xá ngập lụt, may quá, thế là lại được thêm 1 ngày nằm nhà dưỡng sức. Nghĩ bụng thấy mình cũng hay, 5 ngày rồi không chui ra đường ngoài 2 tiếng đi viện khám hôm nọ, chỉ nằm nhà lăn từ góc này sang góc khác, bệnh mình đang mang mà có lây chắc vi khuẩn đã phát tán tứ tung các ngách trong nhà rồi, hy vọng là ở nhà không ai bị mình lây, đặc biệt là anh.

Ngày xưa những lúc bệnh thế này mình không nghĩ gì cả, cảm giác rất “khinh khoái”, bệnh thì cho bệnh thôi, từ từ rồi hết. Nhưng hình như càng ngày càng già nên cứ mỗi lần bệnh là lại sợ chết. Nhất là hôm nay lướt facebook lại đụng phải mấy cái tin RIP người bạn hôm qua vừa qua đời giữa lúc gió mưa. Vào Facebook bạn đọc, cũng như rất nhiều người trẻ đã chết vì viêm phổi khác trước đó, thấy ai cũng thỉnh thoảng quăng lên status một câu “bệnh hoài” hay “Nằm nhà dưỡng bệnh…” blah blah blah, đôi khi chúng ta không biết được chúng đang báo hiệu điều gì, và khi nào thì cái chết sẽ ập đến như một cơn lốc không đỡ nổi.

Nói trắng ra, chết thì mình không sợ, tới giờ vẫn vậy, vì mục tiêu sống ở đời để enjoy của mình đến giờ đã coi như viên mãn, không có gì để tiếc nuối hơn. Chỉ sợ là khi chết còn quá nhiều người thương xung quanh mình và họ sẽ đau khổ và họ sẽ buồn và cuộc đời của họ sẽ rẽ sang một nhánh khác ở chỗ không có mình, chưa biết là tương lai tươi sáng hay u ám hơn, nhưng trước mắt thì chắc chắn là rất nhiều nước mắt. Người yêu mình hiện tại chắc là người duy nhất mình từng yêu mà mình tin rằng mình sẽ không nỡ bỏ anh lại (ngày xưa mình yêu “phũ” lắm) vì những gì anh đã hy sinh và dành tình cảm cho mình là quá lớn, nếu có chết trước, chắc mình sẽ cảm thấy tội lỗi với anh lắm. Còn mẹ và em trai, thì đương nhiên luôn là những người mà mình sẽ không thể nào chịu được được việc nhìn thấy họ buồn, chứ đừng nói là khóc khi mình chết.

Haizz, chả biết có chết không, chỉ có điều tối còn phải đi dạy, định từ chối nhưng nghĩ đi nghĩ lại vẫn muốn đi để kiếm tiền. Hự, tham tiền quá.

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